I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.

Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.

To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.

What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care ... but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks ... you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?