Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not getting laid." What am I doing wrong?

I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'

I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious.

I was in Australia....Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den....think of the parties.

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."