Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not getting laid." What am I doing wrong?

"Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth." ... I found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say, "Lung Cancer."

I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!

Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.

I think it's interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he's really going to want to look at a cross?