I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.

All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'

This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.

To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.