How many of y'all wondered, like I did, during the LA riots when those people were being pulled out of their trucks and beaten half to death - step on the f***ing gas, man! They're on foot, you're in a truck - I think I see a way out of this.

I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death.

I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy.

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AIDS-infected pitbull.