Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book.

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.

Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.