Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.

Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life?

And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.

People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps... sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.

People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.