Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that.

It's not that I disagreed with Bush's economic policy... I believed he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.