Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet.