Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.

How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUDDHA!' 'You're Bubba!' 'Ah'm Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt.

How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand...considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!

...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.

What does an atheist scream when they come?

And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

You are the imagination of yourself.