Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?

I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.

I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.