I saw...a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs.

I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.

I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.

Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.