Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.

I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . . Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You're dead too.

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

I...am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light...in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue - those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS - but they remain strangely silent.

I am available for children's parties, by the way.