Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.

I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.

Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.