Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.

Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.

I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]

I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.

I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.

What does an atheist scream when they come?