One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.

But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?

I don't understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.

People are either good or they're not. Religion doesn't make anybody good, I don't think.

Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there...it can make it anywhere!'

I don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.

Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.