40% of homicides go unsolved. You know, it's not a very good record. And, also, 95% of convictions in America come from plea bargaining, which is often coerced. It's like we have the worst of both worlds. We don't convict the guilty enough, and we coerce the innocent too much.

When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they'd said or did when they were in office.

Cleavage is to a man what power is to a woman.

F. Scott Fitzgerald has an indespensible quote: 'The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at once and still retain the ability to function'. Or, as I like to call it, 'O.J. killed his wife, and the police are corrupt.'

I love the Tea Party. They are the ultimate beer goggles. They make everything look better.

All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.