Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.

One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.

I would rather put up with Rush Limbaugh and live in a country where we all do have freedom of speech.

The Democrats are very bad at selling their own product. The Republicans are geniuses at it. And I've said it before, a bad product well apologized for is superior in this country to a good product.

For the first time since 1979, we are talking to the Islamic Republic of Iran. Obama says talking to him is probably pointless, but it's a hell of a relief from Mitch McConnell.

You can't get saved if you don't play.