If comics need to be deconstructed and explained, something is really wrong with them.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. . . . Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

Your fingernails are a joke, you've got no fangs, you can't see at night, your pink hides are ridiculous, your reflexes are nil, and you don't even have tails! Of course people aren't content! ... Now if tigers weren't content, that would be something to wonder about.

What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?