Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?

I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.

I don't like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don't belong in the sea. The sea is full of things that bite us, sting us, hurt the soles of our feet, and it's extremely cold. When are we gonna take the hint that the things that live in the sea don't like us?

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.

Don't die until you're dead.

Don't vote, it only encourages them.