Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?

When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.