Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.

What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?