People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.