People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."

,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

I've always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I'm where I belong.