The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.

Don't die until you're dead.