Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It's over!

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.