Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.

I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can't fly

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.

People die all the time. It's just that you're not around.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?