Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.

I don't aim to offend.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.

If I had a hammer, there'd be no more folksingers.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.