In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

Don't vote, it only encourages them.

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.

I think comedy is difficult, and I'm amazed so many people want to do it. I'll be buying jeans and somebody will say, "I'm a comedian" - the guy selling you the jeans. The desire to be a comedian is weird. I found it weird myself to want to be one; I was a schoolboy when I wanted to be one but I didn't know how to do it. That was 50 years ago, so times have changed greatly. There seems to be a long line of people desperate to do it and most of them are quite good.

I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.