I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.

Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.

I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?

I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.

As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me.

There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!