I think comedy is difficult, and I'm amazed so many people want to do it. I'll be buying jeans and somebody will say, "I'm a comedian" - the guy selling you the jeans. The desire to be a comedian is weird. I found it weird myself to want to be one; I was a schoolboy when I wanted to be one but I didn't know how to do it. That was 50 years ago, so times have changed greatly. There seems to be a long line of people desperate to do it and most of them are quite good.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.

Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.