Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.

I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can't fly

I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.