I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head -- supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.

Don't die until you're dead.

If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.

When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Don't vote, it only encourages them.