[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.

I was brought up as a Catholic. I've got A-level guilt.

I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.