People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.

I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.