My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.
There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.