Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?

Don't die until you're dead.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.