Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?

Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.

There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.