Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.

Never trust people who've only got one book.

The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.