I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.

The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!