Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

If you give people a chance, they shine.

My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.