If you give people a chance, they shine.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!!

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?