Don't vote, it only encourages them.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.

When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.