The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.

When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Never trust people who've only got one book.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"