The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.