Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.

In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.

I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.

I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.