I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!!

If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!

The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.