I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me.

American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head -- supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.

Never trust people who've only got one book.

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

It's my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.