A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

Don't die until you're dead.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.

,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.