A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.