Don't work out, work in.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

When I read 'Be real, don't get caught acting,' I thought, 'How the hell do you do that?'.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

Never trust anybody with only one book.