By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

It is better to look good than to feel good.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

Bambi, to a kid, was scary.

You give up your dream, you give up.

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

Great news! Hosting Oscars counts five hours toward my community service!