By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

I'm going to be your grandpa! / I have the biggest smile. / I've been waiting to meet you for such a long, long while.

At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn't have something to say on a nightly basis.

Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.

Those are all real things that I experienced, not with [my daughters] growing up but with the, you know - I'm trying not to step into something and get a call, "Dad why'd you say that?"! But we'd go to games [where score wasn't kept], and I'd get it, but I wouldn't get it, because I think there's a real value in winners and losers, in not everybody getting a trophy - it makes you work hard, you appreciate what it takes, to say, "Why didn't we win?" You shouldn't be condemned for losing.