In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

I always was a performer, from the time I was little. It was always a natural place for me to be.

At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn't have something to say on a nightly basis.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great.

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Change is such hard work.