In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

For almost 40 years, he was the brightest star in the comedy galaxy... Their beautiful light will continue to shine on us forever. And the glow will be so bright, it'll warm your heart, it'll make your eyes glisten, and it'll make you think to yourselves: Robin Williams, what a concept.

Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

I don't like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro.

I quit drinking. That was a big problem for a lot of years. Then after that, I just started feeling grateful again.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.