I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.

Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?