I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.