When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.