The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

I've found, across the board, that comedians have been very respectful and kind to me. And that seems to stem from the fact that they are just respectful and kind people in general. Comedians get a bad rap for being dark and anti-social I think.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.