The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

It's not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I'm doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.