And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

It's not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I'm doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.