And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.