People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That's an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes. I try to be strong about it and assure myself that only my close friends and family can really pass judgement on me personally, but it's impossible to not let it get to you.