I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now.

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.

If I have enough money to support myself, I'll just give stuff away. I just, I want people to see it and I want to be able to do this for a living, you know what I mean? So it's just a balance. If I'm not doing well for five years, then I'm selling stuff, but if I'm doing well and I can afford to give stuff away, I'll always do that.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.