What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much.